This summer I am becoming a Mom.

This sentence may seem a bit strange. Anyone who knows me, knows that my oldest daughter, Hayden, turns 8 at the end of the year. I’ve been a Mom for what feels like forever and I am a Mom to three beautiful kids.

What I mean is that I am redefining my role in the family. I want to be just my kids’ Mom again.

What is a Mom?

Towards the end of the school year, I found myself very worn down. Emotionally, mentally and physically. I work part time, 3-4 days a week, and between that and school drop offs, pickups, managing schedules, and the countless other tasks that are typically “mine”, I found myself lost. I felt like this was all I was.

The monotonous lists that ran through my head from the second I woke up, until I finally was able to fall asleep after recounting those same lists in my head before bed, after I had spent most of my evening cleaning up, and planning for the following day. I couldn’t relax.

Life was no longer fun for me and my kids were beginning to see me as the person who fixes and cleans up after every little thing, while they ran off to have more fun. Dad is and has always been seen as super fun, playful, happy and Mom has turned into being just there nagging, asking them to clean up (before I ended up just doing it half the time), enforcing rules and keeping schedules running. I felt as if all I did was pickup after them. If I paused, I’d pay for it later on and be behind on everything that needed to happen.

I know I’m not the only one who feels that they trade memories sometimes for staying on top of things.

I should clarify. I love being a Mom and I love being a wife. The parts that come with that aren’t an issue for me. But it hit me that the way I had allowed our house to function wasn’t benefitting me or my husband, who has always done his best to help out when he’s home (he’s amazing), and certainly wasn’t benefiting my kids.

One evening, after dinner, everyone got up and left their dirty dishes on the table among the drawings and markers from the day, which had been shoved aside, and ran outside to play. I was left standing in the kitchen with a huge mess, only an hour after I had cleaned the entire kitchen. I pulled them inside and out of my mouth came “I am not your maid! I am your Mom! From now on I’m not doing this. You are. And until it’s done, you are not going outside”. Those words were not exactly new or profound in any way, but suddenly it clicked. Or perhaps I just hit a different level of frustration.

This became my new mantra. I am a Mom and love this title- I feel incredibly honoured and blessed to have this name. I don’t take this for granted, but this doesn’t mean I have a life sentence to not enjoy life and just follow behind my kids with a vacuum. Being a Mom is more. I deserve to enjoy my life and be a part of the memories instead of being behind the scenes drowning in laundry and crumbs.

The first week was rough but with consistency our house has slowly changed. Suddenly my kids were emptying their dishes and putting them into the sink or dishwasher, with little to no reminders. They have been quick to apologize when I have needed to remind them and have been doing their basic daily chores without it taking 2 hours of nagging. They’ve had less attitude about me asking for help throughout the day with little things and have even been positive about it. They’ve begun to clean up their toys before moving onto the next thing and they’ve even begun helping with cooking. Asking me how they can help me. It’s been amazing.

Life changing.

My days are filled with less cleaning until midnight and I don’t feel like I’m drowning in life and laundry like I did. I’ve been able to keep things cleaner throughout the day so I have free time once the kids are in bed. I’m finding it easier to be present with them and we are doing more fun things as I feel I actually have time. But what’s surprised me most is the change in my kids. I should say they’ve always been really good kids, but I’ve certainly allowed them to get away with doing little. Me choosing to require and allowing them to do more (let’s face it- it sometimes is easier to do it yourself… it can be tough to stand by) has encouraged them be responsible and exercise compassion. They’re so proud of that. I’ve seen an increase in confidence and increase in independence.

They’re happier and growing into amazing little people, alongside me.

This is what it is to be their Mom.